Addicted to You
by hsds
Summary: Dan and Serena have a secret affair while she is with Aaron. Will they take their relationship public or will they let the fear of failure overwhelm them?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Dan and Serena have a secret affair while she is with Aaron. Will they take their relationship public or will they let the fear of failure overwhelm them?

**Pairings:** Serena and Aaron, Dan and Serena, Dan and Random

**Author's Note:** I do not like Aaron. If you are looking for a positive depiction of him look elsewhere. I am a DS shipper through and through. Yes, I know I have like a gazillion in complete fics, but don't worry Adventures of Lonely Boy will not be ignore nor will be Chances. I am sorry it's taken so long to reupload this fic. I originally wrote this during s2. I apologize if it sucks

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**Chapter 1:** It happened one night

Dan made his way home and ran into his bedroom letting the loneliness and despair engulf him. He felt like his dreams were crumbling at his feet. What was the point of working this hard to achieve nothing? He hated that all those days and nights of studying and making sure that everything was impeccable only for it to fall apart at the last minute. It just wasn't fair. The kids that he went to school with didn't have to work for a thing. Everything was handed to him on a silver platter. All they had to do was snap their fingers and everything they ever wanted was laid before them—the best schools, the best clothes, the best homes. Dan was stuck crawling and scratching to just make sure he had a chance to be successful. He wanted to be a successful writer and the best way to get there was Yale. Now, he was being told that it was his writing that was holding him back from achieving the one thing he wanted to achieve. He was still wallowing in self-pity when Serena stuck through her shiny blond head through his bedroom door.

"hey, how are you holding up?"

"Um, not so good. My life is basically over,"Dan said with a shrug.

"That's a tad melodramatic don't you think?"she replied.

"Nope. It's the truth. No recommendation equals no Yale. No Yale equals failure," he said as he hung his head from the edge of the bed. He smiled up at her and said, "what are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to cheer you up,"she said as she presented a bottle of red wine. "I thought we could drown your sorrows in a bottle of this,"she said with a smile.

Dan flipped over and looked at her wearily, "Ugh, I don't know if getting drunk is the answer Serena?"

"Loosen up Dan. One night of drunkness is not gonna kill you and it will make you feel better for now,"she said as she waved the bottle in front of his face. Dan grabbed it and went to find a few cups. He came back with two coffee mugs and the bottle. He opened the bottle and poured them each a bit. He handed Serena a mug of wine and said, "To epic failure and wallowing."

Serena rolled her eyes and said, "to hope."

She watched him as he chugged the wine and poured himself some more. Dan wasn't much of a drinker, but when he chose to imbibe he could get out of control. She had never seen him this depressed and it concerned her.

"So, how's the caterpillar man?"Dan asked. He was already getting a bit woozy and the very idea of Serena being with Aaron made him even woozier.

"The caterpillar man? He's fine. A little preoccupied,"she said nonchalantly.

"What does that mean? Preoccupied?"Dan asked as he took another gulp of wine.

"It means that he has a small harem at his beckon call,"she said as she finished off her wine poured herself some more.

"A harem? Oh you mean he's fucking around on you?"Dan said. He knew he should have been a bit nicer, but everything about that guy bugged him. He was just creepy and he wasn't good enough for Serena as far as he was concerned.

"We're not exactly exclusive,"She said.

"Why the hell not? Look at you. Who wouldn't want to spend all their time with you? He's crazy, "Dan said matter-of-factly.

Serena didn't know whether to be annoyed with him or to be flattered. He was in fact her ex-boyfriend; the same ex-boyfriend who had dumped her not once but twice. She looked at him took a swig straight from the bottle and handed it to him. Serena shrugged off her shoes and joined him on the bed. She was feeling all warm on the inside and wanted to stretch out because the floor was a bit uncomfortable. She placed her bare feet on his lap and closed her eyes as he gently massaged her feet. Dan used to do this all the time when they were going out and she missed their easy intimacy. It probably wasn't the best idea, but she didn't care. "mm that feels good. Thanks Dan."

"No problem. You really should stop wearing those gigantic heels. You don't need them and they only hurt your feet. We wouldn't want your pretty little feet to be all disfigured now."

"So now you have a thing for my feet?"

Dan slid his hands up her leg and said, "not just your feet."

He was drunk and he knew this was a bad idea, but a part of him didn't care. One of the reasons he didn't drink was because it made him horny. Serena froze in place not knowing what to do or say. She could feel his hand moving up her leg and it felt great, but it also made her apprehensive. Her defences were down and if he kept going she knew she wouldn't be able to stop him. His mere touch set her on fire. There was just something that always ignited between them even when they were trying to be nothing more than friends

"Maybe the wine was a bad idea," she muttered to herself.

Dan had moved so that he was lying on top of her. He grazed her cheek with his thumb and dipped his head and pressed his lips against hers. The touch was feather light yet it sent shivers down her spine. Serena sighed and parted her lips which he took as a silent invitation to continue his exploration. He traced her lips with his tongue. "I missed this," he muttered as he kissed her again. He gently sucked on her lower lip which elicited a small moan from Serena. Dan deepened the kiss and soon his tongue was in her mouth. She could no longer fight her reaction so she kissed him back with everything she had. Soon their tongues were duelling for supremacy. Dan pulled the straps of her black ball gown down off her arms which exposed her breasts to him fully. He took them in his hands and sucked on one and then the other.

"You have the most fabulous breasts ever. You are like a goddess. So, fucking beautiful," he muttered as he continued sucking and nipping on her breasts. Serena grabbed a fist full of his first and tugged as she moaned.

"The hair Serena. Loosen the grip babe,"he pleaded.

"Sorry,"she said sheepishly.

"Its okay," he said before returning his attention on her body. He slipped the rest of the dress from her body. He didn't care that they weren't together. He didn't care that she was sort of dating Aaron. All he wanted was to bury himself deep inside of her.

Dan slid the panties off and pushed her legs apart. He loved to hear her moan his name as she came and he was determined to make her come over and over again tonight. Dan wanted to brand himself so that every time he touched her she was forced to think of him. He knew Serena had been with a lot of guys, but he was determined to be the one that she couldn't forget. He kissed her inner thigh and slid his tongue along her core making her contract by the sudden contact. Dan kept licking her and each twitch of her hips only egged him. He remembered the first time he had tasted her there. It was an incredible feeling knowing that he could drive her wild so easily. He stilled his tongue for a moment and blew on her core which caused Serena to buck her hips in frustration.

"Stop torturing me down,"she said.

He looked up at her. She was so beautiful. Her blond hair was askew and it only made her hotter to him. He could feel the strain of his hard-on against his pants, but he was determined to make her come while he watched first.

He stuck one finger than another inside of her. "How's that baby?"

Serena didn't say anything she simply moaned and he began to finger fuck her until she was gasping for breath. "Say it?"

"What,"she said breathlessly.

"My name. Say it."

"Huh Dan?"

"Not like that,"he pleaded.

When she wouldn't comply he abruptly removed his fingers. She looked at him with frustration "Why'd you do that? Put them back now."

"No!"

"Please"

Instead dan decided he couldn't wait any longer so he got up stripped off all of his clothes, slipped on a condom and looked her straight in the eye, "Say it."

"Dan please."

"Please what?"he demanded.

"Fuck me."

He grinned and said, "okay."

Dan positioned himself so that he wouldn't be off balance before entering her. It felt like heaven to be in her again. Dan and Serena met each other thrust for thrust. They were like two people who had been starving finally be giving a meal. They had both been craving each other so badly that they had held each other back in the name of friendship. Their coupling was fuelled by unresolved sexual tension and alcohol a deadly combination at the best of times. Serena held him tightly she never wanted this night to end. She wanted to hold on to him to remember this. To etch this moment in her memory. They both collapsed and fell asleep in each others arms. They would wake up several times that night and do it again. The other times were less frantic less frenzied and more sensual. By the time the sunlight streamed through the window, Serena was exhausted and sore. She slipped on her dress and her coat. She kissed him softly on the cheek before leaving the loft as quietly.

Rufus walked in on his son who was out cold. He was angry to say the least. Apparently Dan had brought a girl over. He didn't know what was going on with his son, but he didn't like it. Rufus threw a pillow at Dan and said, "What the hell do you think you are doing, Daniel Theodore Humphrey?"

"Ugh, I was sleeping Dad."

"Who was she?"

"What are you talking about Dad?"

"Dan you know the rules. No sex in this house. Look at you. You are a mess. There are condoms strewn all over the floor as well as a bottle of wine that you and your companion managed to down in one night. This is not how I raised you!"

"Gah, Dad can we not have this conversation right now,"Dan said as he sunk under the covers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Okay you all will kill me but there is no smut in this chapter. Don't worry there is plenty coming your way. If you are a fan Aaron stop reading this now..Although I'll be honest why anyone would like that abusive asshole is beyond me. LOL

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**Chapter 2: Take What you can get**

Dan looked around his room and picked up the discarded condoms and the empty bottle of wine. He threw them into the trashcan that was in the corner of the room an tried not to focus on the fact that he may have ruined a great friendship for sex. It was an amazing night, but one he knew he was going to regret. Nothing good ever happened to him without some sort of dire circumstance. How was he going to look her in the face after what they had done the night before? Scratch that how was he supposed to look his father in the face after what he had just discovered? Dan was used to be the good kid, the one who didn't fail his parents, and the one who always stayed on the straight and narrow. But, last night he had initiated sex with his ex-girlfriend who happened to be dating someone else. It was not the sort of thing that he did. Dan Humphrey did not engage in illicit affairs. He was a good guy, but last night he was a good guy gone bad. He stuck his head through the door to see if his father was around. Once the close was clear he tiptoed out of the loft. He needed time to clear his head. He had no idea what he was going to say to his dad. There really was no logic explanation for his behaviour the previous night; at least not one he could share with a parent. He stopped by the coffee shop around the corner and got himself a latte before taking the subway. He wasn't sure where he was going or why, but that really wasn't the point. Hours later he found himself on the steps of the met perched where he usually found Serena or Blair.

He looked out at the city and sighed. This was not making him feel better. All he knew was that as much as he wanted to dismiss last night as a mistake, he couldn't. But, where could he go from here? She was dating someone else and he was still Dan Humphrey, failure extraordinaire.

"I need to focus on something else," Dan said to himself before getting up and walking down the steps.

Instead of going home and working on doing something that would help garner him his position at Yale, he continued to wander the city streets. A little over an hour later, he found himself at the Palace. He looked up at the grand structure and remembered the first time he'd come here. It seemed so long ago although it had just been last year.

"Its funny how much your life changes in a year,"he muttered to himself. All he had to do was walk through those doors and take the elevator up to her floor, but he wasn't ready to face her. So, he stood there looking up for a few more minutes before he turned to leave.

Serena lay on her bed looking through a box of things that she packed away months ago. She had put away anything and everything that reminded her of Dan right after they had broken up. She picked up a stack of pictures and flipped through them. They looked so happy back then and the memories of last night and what they had done only seemed to bring back emotions that she had pushed to the back of her mind. There was a part of her that would never fully let him go. She knew the wise thing would be to pretend like it was nothing more than a drunken tryst, but that would be like denying the existence of one of her limbs. But, Serena was not ready to put herself out there. Serena you that her relationship with Dan had dissolved for a reason, but a part of her was still hanging on to a part of him.

"He doesn't love you anymore," she muttered to herself.

Serena put the pictures back into the box, but like an addict she kept rifling through memories that she had deemed forbidden for the past two months. It felt more like an eternity, but really not much time had past since they had broken up. A part of her was still so damaged by the loss of him. She wanted his friendship, she needed it. But, after last night she had no idea what the future held for them. A part of her wanted to simply sink back into his arms while another part of her was reticent to jump into anything. They had failed twice before, what made her think they would work this time. Serena knew enough about alchol to know that it let you do things that you didn't otherwise have courage to do. She was surpised that Dan had made the first move. She didn't know what he watned, but it was too late. Neither of them could take back what had happened.

Her mother poked her head through the door, "someone's here to see you Srena."

"Who is it mom?"

"Aaron,"she replied.

It was exactly the distraction that Serena needed. Aaron was a nice guy and he was a lot of fun to be around. She got up and went to meet him in living room.

"hey,"Aaron said as he shoved his sweaty hands into his pockets

"Hi, what are you doing here Aaron?"

"We had plans? Remember a puppet show?"he asked.

Serena had completely forgotten about their Saturday morning plans. She was so caught up in rehashing the events of the previous night that her date with Aaron had completely slipped her mind.

"Oh yeah. Give me five minutes," she said before hurriedly leaving the room.

Serena changed out of her flimsy negligee and pulled on her jeans and a top. She stopped at the top of the stairs when she noticed Dan and Aaron staring at each other awkwardly.

"Oh crap, what do I do now?" she thought to herself. Serena stood frozen on the top of the staircase looking down at what could best be described as a silent pissing contest. She knew she had to go down there and put a stop to things before words were actually exchanged. Serena made her way down the steps and smiled at the two boys.

"Dan, you're here?"she said with an ere of feigned innocence.

"Yeah, I was hoping we could talk, but um, looks like you are busy."he said.

"Yeah, we were just heading out. Why don't you call me later? I should be home by dinner,"she said. Serena hugged him tightly before leaving with Aaron.

Dan stood there in the middle of her living room with the scent of her still permeating his senses.

Serena tried to focus on what Aaron was saying, but all she heard was "blah blah blah."

She really did like him, but it was hard to think about being with Aaron when all she could think about was the fact that Dan had come over to see her. She still could not block the images of the night before from her mind. Every time she closed her eyes she was transported back to the loft; back into his arms. Aaron reached for her hand and she tried to ignore the fact that it was sweaty and made her feel a degree of discomfort.

"Don't be an idiot S. He likes you and he's really nice. Just go with it," she chided herself. They sat down on the bench and got ready to watch the puppet show. Serena loved coming here every fall to watch it. There was just something about it that made her feel like a kid again. It was so simplistic. She often yearned for the simple things in life. She rubbed her hands together and bounced up and down on her seat.

Aaron looked at her oddly and said, "You seem awfully excited for a puppet show."

"I love puppet shows. They are so exciting."

Aaron looked at her oddly. "At least she's hot," he thought to himself.

He observed her as she watched the puppet show with such awe. There was just something about her, beyond the fact that she was breathtakingly beautiful. She had an innocence that surprised him. He was no stranger to Serena's reputation. He knew that she had been with that Dan guy for awhile and before that she'd been pretty wild. He was hoping to get a chance to see her wild side, but all he had gotten was little Mary sunshine. He was expecting hot and sultry all he seemed to get was a 13 year old in the body of sultry goddess. It made no sense to him. Aaron sighed and wrapped an arm around her. He just needed to be patient.

"Slow and steady wins the race," he said to himself.

Serena got off of Aaron's bike and tried to ignore the tension in the air. She had fun, but she wasn't sure if that was due to Aaron or the fabulousness of the puppet show. She handed him her helmet and shook out her hair. "Well, it was fun," she said awkwardly.

"I had a good time too," Aaron said while looking directly at her chest.

He didn't know how many more lame dates he'd have to endure before being able to get a feel for those babies.

Serena waved goodbye and kissed him on the cheek reluctantly before going up to the suite she now called home. She made it to the suite and went straight to her bedroom. When she got there she found Dan standing in the middle of the room.

"Dan? What are you doing here? You haven't been waiting the whole time have you?"she asked.

"No, no. I just got here a few minutes ago. Your mom let me in," Dan said as he stuffed his hand in his pockets and shuffled his feet.

"Oh okay. I'm glad you're here," she said as she sat on her bed.

"Yeah, um, I though we should talk about what happened," he said.

"Yeah, I guess,"Serena said as she looked up at him. She knew they had to have this conversation, butshe didn't know exactly what to say.

"I, uh, I don't know where to start. Last night well, I was very drunk."

"As was I,"Serena said as she stood up. He was so damn goodlooking. She loved how adorable he looked when he was frazzled. There was just something about Dan that just got under her skin.

"And sleeping together probably wasn't the best decision if we want to maintain a friendship."

As soon as he had said that, Serena began to conjure up images of him naked and in her arms. She bit on her lip and said, "probably not."

"So we agree it shouldn't happen again,"Dan said before looking at her a beat. She was gorgeous on all he wanted was to eat her up. In fact he couldn't stop thinking about the other night. All he wanted was to feel her again—to touch her.

"Absolutely, never again," Serena said as she gazed at him with lust in her eyes.

They stared at each other for moment before crashing into each others arms. Dan sunk his finger into her long locks. He loved the silken feel of her hair. He used his tongue to gently part her lips. She gasped and wrapped her arms around him. The fell back on to her bed and continued to devour each other like their very lives depended on it. Eventually they came up for air. Dan laid his head on her forehead as he tried to gain control over his breathing. "This is probably a bad idea," Serena said.

Dan looked at her and all he knew was he wasn't ready to let her go, "Maybe its time I was bad," he said before capturing her lips again. He started fumbling with the buttons on her top as he kissed her. Serena looked up at him thinking that she should know better that they would only regret this later, but his proximity was intoxicating. He was like a drug and being near him simply drove her to want another hit.

Serena sat up and pulled his jacket off as he worked the remaining buttons. She was clawing at him wanting to reach his bareskin as soon as she could. "Has anyone told you, you wear too many damn clothes?"

Dan chuckled and said, "No, no they haven't."

She finally got him down to his under shirt which she pushed up to his shoulder as she kissed his flat stomach. It amazed her how much hotness was hidden behind the dorky exterior. Dan closed his eyes as she kissed across his torso. Her feather light touches had him slowly going out of his mind. He sunk his hands in her hair and let the simple feel of her wash all over him. It was a feeling he knew that once this was all over, he wouldn't be permitted to enjoy again. Whatever this was—was forbidden territory and tomorrow they'd go back to their lives. She would go back to dating the creepy artist and he'd return to his existence as lonely boy and exboyfriend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Sorry no sexiness in this chapter….I promise it's a coming.

**Chapter 3: Aftershocks**

Afterwards the silence between them was deafening. Dan wanted to talk about it, hash it out, but really there was nothing he could say. He looked over at her tried to open his mouth to speak only to close it again. He sighed and slowly climbed out of bed and dressed. Serena was looking at the wall on the other side of the bed. He could tell from her body language that she was sad and that hurt him more than his lack of self-control. He pulled on his tshirt and walked over to the other side of the bed.

He knelt before her and said, "Hey Serena. Look at me. Please look at me?"

She turned away unable to do what he asked. She could feel the tears welling up seconds away from pouring down her face. Dan grabbed her chin and turned her head so that she was looking at him. "Don't be sad. Please don't be sad. I hate it when you're like this,"he pleaded.

"Dan just go,"she said weakly.

"No, not until I explain. I, ugh, I didn't come here for this. I really wanted us to talk and things got a little out of hand."

"Dan, what are we doing?"

"I don't know, Serena. I don't know but I don't want you to think that I'm using you. That's not it. That's not it at all."

Serena smiled weakly through her tears and said, "maybe we should just take some time away from each other. I think a little space might do us some good."

Dan looked at her sadly, "is that what you really want?"

She turned over and said, "Yes."

Once Dan was gone Serena started to clutch her pillow and cry her eyes out. His scent was still on her skin, but all she could feel was despair. How could she do this? She was datingsomeone else. Her life had spiralled into a series of lies and deception in the past few days. How did one weekend change things so much? How did she go from dating one guy to secretly sleeping with her ex not once but twice? This was not who she wanted to be and maybe what she needed to get through this and not feel so awful was a little distance.

Dan was doing the walk of shame. Was this really happening? He hated leaving her like that all torn up and hurt. All he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms and comfort her, but she didn't want his comfort and that was his fault. He should have had more restraint. He should have just said that what they did was a misstep something he didn't regret, but that they shouldn't let it mess up their friendship. But, he hadn't because all he wanted to do was to touch her to taste her.

"I'm weak and pathetic," he muttered to himself.

How did they get here? He wanted to flip the clock backwards and tell her how much he loved her because he did. He never stopped. The day she had told him about Aaron, he wanted to run after and say don't go. All he wanted that night was to not give her his blessing, but like a coward he stood there watching as love slipped through his fingers again. And here he was stuck in the impossible situation. He wanted whatever he could have of her anything that he could get. Just being in her airspace was something for Dan. He loved her that much; that deeply that he was willing to suffer just so he could have a small piece of her. But, she'd made it pretty clear that she was disgusted with herself and with him for what they had done. She was with Aaron and as much as he loathed the bastard he had no choice but to accept the conditions that Serena laid out. In the meantime he needed to breathe some life into his writing. He needed to focus on his academic future rather than his pathetic excuse of a love life. Dan opened his cell and texted Jordan. She had read his work and something told him she would be honest with him. He was just settling down in front of his laptop when his cell went off.

"Dan, its Jordan."

"Hey, I didn't think I'd here back from you for awhile."

"I have some down time. I can't wait to read what you're going to send me. You've got a real flare."

Dan furrowed his brow in disbelief and said, "that's nice of you to say, but you don't have to coddle me. I know my work is pretty bad."

"Its not bad its just you need to dig deeper."

"That's what they all say, but I really don't know what the hell that supposed to mean?"

"You'll figure it out. I'd be happy to help you with your drafts. Just email me and I'll give it to you straight up."

"I appreciate that. Too many people have problems just telling the damn truth."

"I sense some bitterness,"she said jokingly.

"No, not bitterness just fatigue. I should go. Thanks for your help."

"No problem and don't get yourself tied to any poles. I might not be around to rescue next time," she said before hanging up.

Serena had not spoken to Dan in over a week. He had kept his promise and stayed away, respecting her request for distance, but she was beginning to question the wisdom of that request. Looking back it was something she'd asked out of pain and confusion. She hated that they had been reduced to lustful mistakes, but really who was she to say anything. She had a boyfriend. He was nice to her and all she did was lie to him. She lied to him about being a teatotaler. She had cheated on him not once, but twice with Dan. Although, they weren't technically exclusive at the time and something told her that she wasn't the only girl he had been spending his time with. Her dates with Aaron could best be described as awkward, but he was so nice. He always had something flattering to say to her. He sent her a dozen roses every day and bought her gold necklace. But, she still didn't feel very comfortable spending time alone with him and she didn't know why? She was sitting on Blair's bed with a sad look on her face when her friend gave her a quizzical look.

"S, what's wrong?"she asked with concern.

"Oh nothing."

"What's going on? You look so down? Is it Aaron? Did he do something skeezy?"

Serena sat up and looked at Blair in alarm, "Why would you say that b?

"Well he is a little unkempt. If anyone was going to do something skeezy it certainly be him. Oh and what's the deal with you and cabbage patch. I thought you guys were friends now, but every time he sees you he runs for cover."

"I don't want to talk about Dan and Aaron is not skeezy."

"How about skuzzy? Yes, he's skuzzy. I'd never thought I'd say this, but he definitely a stepdown from Dan Humphrey. At least he took a shower."

"You really don't like Aaron do you, B?"

Blair sighed and sat beside her friend, "I don't care who you date. I just want you to be happy. But, yeah he sorta freaks me out."

"Speaking of Aaron, I'm supposed to meet him 20 minutes. I gotta run, B."

Serena hailed a cab and met up with him in small café in uptown. When she got there he was leaning across the counter flirting with the waitress. She watched from the window as the waitress took out a pen, pushed up his shirt and wrote something on his arm. "What am I doing?"

It her right there in that moment that she was making a mistake. She didn't want Aaron and he certainly didn't care about her. She walked up to him and said, "hey"

"Hey, Serena."

They sat down and she watched as he eyed every beautiful girl that past buy. They had been on their date for less than twenty minutes and she already felt like crap. Dating was supposed fun. This was the opposite of it. So, Serena got up and said, "Aaron, I have to go."

"Where are you going?"

"Away,"she said as she fled the café and hailed a cab.

She should have told him to go fuck himself or one of the girls he was flirting with, but who was she to say anything. She was just as guilty as he was. She'd done something far worse than flirting. As much as she'd tried to rationalize what she had done with Dan it was still cheating. But, apart of her really just wanted to yell at him and tell him that he was a jerk, but instead she simply fled.

She ran into the suite and into her room as quickly as her feet could carry her. She through herself on the bed and started crying. A little while later, she felt an warm hand on her back. She looked up to see Erik looking at her with concern.

"Hey, sis what's going on?"

"I'm pathetic and I date losers,"she said as she cried into the pillow.

"Bad date?"

"The worst."

"Maybe you should talk about it."

"I don't want too,"she wailed.

Erik pulled her up from the bed and pushed her into the bathroom. "Take a shower. Meet downstairs. Ice-cream sundaes. Its our thing remember?"he said with concern.

While Serena was in the shower Erik called up the one person that he knew his sister needed to see. They were supposed to be friends, but lately he didn't come around as much and he wasn't sure if they'd given up on trying being friends. But, one thing he did know was that his big sister needed him. Erik got out Serena's favorite movie and three bowls of icecream. He was waiting for her on the couch when she got out of the shower. She plopped herself down beside him and grabbed the bowl from the table and started to eat.

"Who's the other bowl for?" she asked between mouthfuls.

"Its for me,"Dan said as he took off his coat and sat between Erik and Serena.

She looked up at him and smiled. She laid her head on his chest and tried to block out any feelings of guilt and confusion. Dan held on to her and tried to fight the urge to track down Aaron and beat the living shit out of him. He hated to see her so torn up and sad.

Serena held tightly to him. She felt vaguely guilty for leaning on him more than she really needed. She just wanted to feel his arms around without the guilt that had accompanied their other unions. She missed this part of him; the part that belonged just to her. He was like a drug; Serena could simply not have enough of him. Erik got up off the couch and left the two alone. His part he felt was done. In his mind, Serena belonged with Dan the rest was just subterfuge.

"Hey are you okay?"Dan asked.

"Yeah, I just feel like a fool."

"Shh don't let him do this to you. You deserve so much more than this."

"Thanks for coming,"she said as she looked up at him.

They were both afraid to say or do anything else. The pain still clung to them like stale aftershave. So, Dan held her and they sat there in silence each afraid to say what they really needed to say. It was as if they were stuck in limbo neither of them having the courage they needed to give their souls the peace that it so desired.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** So I hope you like this chapter. Just to let you know this fic will probably be a short one. I'd say 6 maybe 7 chapters top.

**Addicted 4**

Two days later, Serena was standing in her kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee when Aaron walked in with his hands shoved in his pockets. She glared at him before taking a sip from her cup.

"Hey, Serena"

"Hello,"she said coolly before setting her cup down again. She really didn't know what to say to him all she knew was that she wanted him to disappear into thin air.

"So haven't heard from you in a few days. I was wondering if you wanted to get some lunch."

She looked at him aghast. Serena placed her cup on the counter and crossed her arms. Was this guy for real? Did he really expect her to go out with him again?

"Come again?"she asked.

"I thought we could grab some lunch,"he said.

"No,"Serena said firmly.

Aaron looked at her quizzically and said, "you seem upset. Did I do something wrong?"

"Oh you mean other than ogling other girls in my presence and treating me like a piece of crap. Why no you didn't do anything."

"I don't know what you're talking about? I've been an absolute gentlemen."

Serena shook her head in disbelief and said, "A gentleman. Ha! I don't why I put up with your little comments and creepy demeanour for as long as I did. But, I'm done. Now get out and don't call me, text me or ever come to my house ever again."

Aaron looked at her a beat before walking towards her. "Don't you think you're being a little bit hasty."

She gritted her teeth and calmly said, "Do not make me call security."

"I think you're over-reacting."

She glared at him one last time before he turned around and left. Once he was out of sight, her body began to shake from anger and frustration. She couldn't believe he had the audacity to show up here like nothing was wrong. Granted she hadn't properly gotten rid of him till today, but it didn't take a genius to figure out when you weren't wanted. The very fact that she had agreed to date him made her feel disgusting. She was just glad that she wouldn't have to deal with him ever again.

Dan was sitting in the café flipping through a copy of the motorcycle diaries, but his mind was not on the adventures of Ernesto Guevara, but on Serena. He was worried about her. When he'd left her the other day she was still feeling pretty low. He opened his phone and sent off a quick text to see how she was doing. He closed his phone and sighed. All he wanted to do was rush over there and wrap her in his arms, but he didn't have the right to do that anymore. Dan wasn't her boyfriend, heck they were barely friends. They were stuck in some sort of bizarre limbo. One thing Dan did know is that nothing would alter the way he felt about her, but she wasn't in the frame of mind to discuss something as heavy as what they meant to each other. Serena was still licking her wounds from Aarons' heinous treatment. Dan hated guys like that. They made girls feel like they were less than they should feel. He hated guys who let their dicks control them.

Dan tried not to think about him, but shrugged his coat off and made himself a cappuccino instead. When he looked up from his task he saw Jordan standing before him with a big grin on her face.

"Hey there stranger?"she said.

"Jordan? What are you doing here?"

"I told you I was coming up to the city to see some friends. You emailed me a map of how to get here. Are you always so forgetful?"she asked teasingly.

Dan rolled his eyes and said, "apparently. Sorry, I've been a little pre-occuppied and I forgot. Wanna a cappuciono?"

"Sure."

"Whats going on?"

"How many days are you here for?"Dan teased.

"That bad huh?"

"Lets just say Nabakov has nothing on my life."

"Nabokov? That sounds like some might heavy drama if you've managed to one up him,"Jordan replied.

"It's a long long story,"he said before handing her a mug and gesturing for her to join her at a nearby table.

They sat there talking and pouring over some of the notes that she had made to his latest story. Dan was just happy to have something other than his failed relationship with Serena to focus on.

"So, I really like where you're going with the imagery here Dan. Its sorta dark. Its different from your other work. Most of your other stuff seem coated in a little bit of idealism,"Jordan said.

"What's worng with that?"he said defensively.

"Nothing, but all your pieces are the same. Its good that you were able to tap into whatever it was you tapped into. Its like I can feel the heroes pain. That's important to telling a truly great story."

"I guess you're right,"he said sadly.

Jordan reached across the table and said, "Hey, don't take it personally. I'm just trying to help you here."

Serena stood there watching Dan and that girl who was holding his hand and froze in place. She didn't know what to do next. Should she leave?

_And let the bitch get him?_

She slowly stepped forward with fire in her eyes and determination in her step. She flung her blonde hair and took a seat next to them.

"Hi,"she said.

Dan's eyes lit up at the sight of her. She was so beautiful. Every time he saw her his heart skipped a beat. It was an instant reaction, one he couldn't seem to help. There was something about her that made the sunshine just a little bit brighter when she was around.

"Hey,"he said as he smiled up at her.

Jordan watched them with awe. She knew that this was the girl that Dan had been writing about. There was something in the way they looked at one another, but there was an underlying tension.

"Serena this is Jordan. She's that girl from Yale whose been helping me with my writing. She's up here visiting some friends and dropped by."

"Its great to meet you,"Serena said as she scooted closer to Dan.

"Great to meet you, Serena. Well, I'll leave you to love birds be, I have to go meet my friends. Dan think about what I said. Don't be afraid to embrace your dark side."Jordan replied.

"Um, we're not…"Dan started to say before Serena covered his mouth with her hands.

Once Jordan was earshot, Serena dropped her hand and took a sip of his cappuciono.

"What the hell was that for?"Dan asked quizzically.

"What she doesn't know won't kill her," Serena replied casually. Dan rolled his eyes and got up and made them two more coffees since he was sure she only drank from his to annoy him. He brought the two steaming cups over to where she was sitting and took a seat across from her. He coldly assessed her. He wasn't sure what she was up to, but he knew that look. She had that smug smile plastered across her face like she'd accomplished something. Dan was a little bit thrown, but he wasn't going to second guess her presence.

"So, how are you holding up?"

"I'm okay. Aaron came by today?"

Dan felt a rock in his stomach. The last thing he needed to hear was that Serena had gotten back together with that jerk. "And what happened?"he asked tentatively.

"Nothing. Apparently I need to spell it out the words we're broken up to him in big bold letters."

A sense relief washed over Dan and he felt like he could relax.

"I guess some people are a little slow on the uptake," he said casually.

She looked straight at him, "some people are."

Serena was going crazy. Pretending like Dan was just her friend was driving her crazy. His presence did something to her. They had been spending more and more time together, both of them pretending like they hadn't crossed that line again. They had re-established the rhythm they had when she was dating Aaron. The snow was falling in the courtyard and it was almost time for Christmas break. Everyone was caught up with exam fever. It was the last set of finals that would matter in anyway before they graduated. She'd stayed up all night pouring over her chemistry notes. In the past, studying was not an act that she participated in. She was lucky if she shwoed up to sit her exams nevertheless studying for them. But, now things were different. She was different. She cared about doing well and Serena new a big part of that had to do with Dan. He helped her see that setting goals were important, but she didn't just stop once they brokeup. It was one of the lasting gifts he gave her. She watched him walking through the hall and was overcome with a sudden urge to have him. She didn't care if it was stupid or if it ruined her friendship with him. All she knew was that she wanted him and she wanted him now. She grabbed his hand and dragged him down an empty corridor.

"What's up Serena?"he asked with concern.

"Follow me."

"Where are we going?"

Serena found the door she was looking for him and dragged him into the Janitor's supply closet. She locked the door and pushed him up against it.

"What are you doing?"he asked all flushed.

"Shutup Dan,"she said as she kissed him full on the mouth. He gasped for breath, but soon he was returning her hot feverish kisses.

"This,"he said in between kisses "is probably not the best idea"

"Who cares,"Serena said as she unbuttoned his shirt. She pulled his yello w shirt off his shoulder and pulled his white under shirt over his head. Dan could feel his hips digging into the side of a broom so he turned so that the object was no longer embedded in his side.

"Serena couldn't you have found a more comfortable place to do this."

"Dan I'm offering you sex and you're complaining about locale?"she said with laughter as she started to unbotton her own top. Dan stopped her and said, "No, let me."

He took over and made quick work of her buttons. Dan grabbed her by the hips and pushed her against him. She could feel his desire for her which only spurned her on. Serena started to unbuckle his pants and Dan was hitching his breath as her fingers brushed against his crotch. "This is insane. Anyone could catch us,"he gasped.

"I locked the door,"she said as she pulled his pants down to the floor. She smiled up at him as he stood gasping for breath and naked from the waist down. She ran her fingers along his shaft before taking him into her mouth. Dan banged his head against the door as she deepthroated him. This was not the kind of thing that happened to a guy at school. He felt like he was going to come right there. So, he grabbed her by the shoulders and lifted her up. Dan lifted up and pulled up her skirt and pushed down her stocking and panties. He bent her over and entered her immediately. He grabbed on to her hips as he thrusted into her. Serena was breathless and out of control. This was what she had needed for the past month. Everytime she looked at him all she could think of what it would be like to have him inside her again.

Dan was midthrust when he realized that he hadn't used any protection. He pulled out of her abruptly and reached into his back pocket and took out the condom he had in there.

"I'm sorry Serena. I, uh, I forgot."

"Its okay I forgot too."

Once he had slipped on the condom, Dan wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hungrily. "Now where were we?"

Serena was starting to have second thoughts. Maybe having sex in the janitor's closet wasn't her brightest idea, but the look on his face and the hunger in his eyes calmed her fears. She wouldn't think of the repercussions. She'd just enjoy the moment.

He pushed the hair from her face and smiled at her gently. She was so beautiful and so hot with her shirt hanging open and breasts exposed. He kissed her gently before picking her up so that her legs were wrapped about him. He used the door for balance as he entered her gently and thrust into her with even strokes. He kept his gaze focused on her the entire time. She was the world to him and wherever she wanted him he'd go. All he knew was that this was it for him. She broke him down. No other girl could get him to do crazy things like having sex in closets at school when his exam was about to start in twenty minutes. Soon they were both grasping for breath. Eventually they both collapsed in a heap on the floor. They were spent from their aggressive lovemaking. Serena could barely look at him. There was something about the way he had looked at her that made her feel like the tide had shifted. As though what they shared in this space was more than hot sex. They hurriedly put their clothes back and left the storage room. When they exited Penelope and the other minions were looking at them with a mixture of disgust and pride. Dan put his bag over his shoulder and squeezed Serena's shoulder before heading back to class.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **Yes, I know you all will hate me for this cliffhanger, but I promise to update ASAP!

**Addicted-5: Twist of Fate**

Dan struggled to focus on his Chemistry exam, but image of a half-naked Serena flooded his brain. This exam was important. He had to do well if he wanted to get into Yale and thus far his admission was still questionable. He knew that once this exam was over he'd have to track Serena down and discuss what had just happened between them before that idiot Penelope sent a tip to gossip girl. As much as he loved spending time with Serena and doing whatever it is that she wanted to do, he hated being stuck in this non-relationship because they weren't friends and they certainly weren't lovers. They were stuck in no man's land. Dan liked things defined, but with Serena he constantly found himself searching to define something that broke the bounds of meaning. Eventually he was able to drag his thoughts away from Serena and refocused his attention at hand. Two hours and three pencils later, he was standing outside of his exam room running his fingers through his hair when his little sister came running down the corridor and tugged on his arm.

"What the hell Jenny?"Dan said angrily.

His sister held up the latest gg blast to him and asked, "What the hell is this?"

He grabbed the phone from her and read the latest post on the Gossip Girl blog. Dan was afraid this would happen. He just didn't think it would happen so soon. He could feel his face brightening so he gave Jenny her phone back and started walking away from her.

"Don't walk away from me Dan? Are you and Serena back together?"she asked at breakneck speed.

"Not exactly,"he mumbled.

"But, but what about the blast."

"Jenny, I do not want to talk about it. Its crossing that invisible line that brothers should never cross with their sisters and vice versa."

"Dan stop running and talk to me."

"Jenny, I told you I'm not having this conversation. Not now, not ever. Is that clear?"

She crossed her arms across her chest and said, "Crystal."

Dan rushed down the boy's hall and towards Constance. He needed to find Serena. They needed to talk about the blast and well the state of their relationship. The last thing he needed was someone else hounding him about an event that was very much his private affair and nobody else's business. By the time he tracked her down she was being dragged down the hall by Blair.

"Stop tugging on my arm, Blair,"Serena demanded.

"What in the name of all that's holy is this?"Blair asked as she held up her cell phone.

Serena blushed.

"Well are you going to tell me what's going through your head?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean no as in none of your business," Serena demanded. Normally she'd give in to Blair and let her in, but she really had no idea what she was going to tell her and the last thing she needed was to be judged for doing something impulsive. Yes, it was rash but she in no way regretted it. Serena was tired of Blair making her feel bad when it came to Dan. They needed to figure some stuff out and until then she wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone.

"What's going on with you S. I feel like I'm losing you to Humphrey already. Its bad enough you spend all your time with him, but now you're having sex with him again."

"I told you I don't want to talk about it. I promise I'll catch you up and we'll do something this Friday. But, for now the topic of Dan is not to be broached,"Serena said firmly. She hugged Blair reassuringly and went off in search of Dan. He was probably cowering in a corner somewhere. He wasn't much for attention and hated when his private business was plastered all over gossip girl. She was turning the corner when she bumped right into them.

"Hey, you okay,"Dan asked with concern.

"I'm fine. I was just looking for you."

"Yeah, me too. We should talk about you know what happened."

"Yeah we should," Dan replied.

They both stood in the middle of the hall staring at each other neither making the move to start the conversation they both needed to have. Dan stared up at the clock and said, "Oh crap."

"What?"

"I have my Econ finale in half-hour."

"I have my French soon too. Why don't you come over tonight and we'll talk."

"Um, sure, we'll talk, "Dan mumbled before walking in the opposite direction. Serena sighed and headed towards her exam.

Serena was emotionally exhausted by the time she got home. Between taking two heavy-duty exams and coping with the fallout of the gg-blast, she felt rundown. It was like someone had run over her with an emotional Mac-truck. Her muscles were wound up and all she wanted was to climb in the bath and go to sleep, but Dan would be coming over soon. So, she decided to take a bath to relax so that she'd atleast be feeling better to tackle the conversation they both needed to have. She'd barely been able to keep her food down. She'd gone running to the toilet within minutes of eating her sushi.

"It must have been bad fish?" she said to herself, but something was bothering Serena. She knew her body and something was definitely over thinking it.

"Stop obsessing. It can't be," she thought to herself as she stripped off her clothes and stepped in the bath. Her head was spinning and all she wanted to do was relax.

A little under an hour later she stepped out of the bath. Serena was still feeling woozy and the room was beginning to spin. Suddenly she lost her footing hitting her head on the edge of the sink before collapsing in a heap on the floor.

Dan knocked on the door of the Van Der Woodsen residence feeling a little nervous about meeting Serena. This was his big chance to let her know exactly how he felt; to lay all his cards on the table. He wanted to make this work with Serena. Deep down Dan knew she wanted to be with him too. They just kept playing this little game where they each refused to acknowledge their true feeling out of fear. Dan was tired of the game and tired of hiding. Erikopened the door, he had a tub of icecream in his hand and he looked slightly despondant.

"Hey Erik, are you okay?"

"Jonathon broke up with me. I'll be okay after a pint of this,"he said as he held up the tub of icecream.

"Sorry about that man. Is Serena in?"

"She's upstairs I think. Want me to go get her?"Eric asked.

"Nah, I'll go up there and find her,"Dan said.

"'Kay,"Erik said through a mouthful of ice-cream.

Dan took the steps two at a time and looked in her room, but she wasn't there. It was oddly quiet and for some reason a shiver ran down his spine. Dan looked around calling her name. He noticed that the bathroom door was ajar and that the light on. He tapped on it gently and said, "Serena, its me Dan."

Dan looked through the crack and his heart nearly stopped when he saw Serena lying on the floor naked looking completely lifeless. "This can't be happening?"he said to himself. He opened the door and screamed for Erik as he carried her to her room. He tried to dress her quickly.

"Erik call the ambulance, Now!"

Dan could feel traces of blood when he touched her head. He carried her downstairs and placed her on the sofa. Erik looked panicstricken.

"Did you call them?"

"Yes, they're on their way,"Erik answered.

Neither of them spoke a word as they waited for the ambulance to arrive. Dan held her in his arms and begged her to wakeup. "Serena wakeup. You can't leave. Its not your time. Its too soon. You can't go. You can't leave me, "Dan pleaded.

Erik called his mother and Blair as they waited. Finally the paramedics arrived.

"What happened?"they asked.

"I found her on the bathroom floor naked. She must have hit her head. I um dressed her I hope that was okay,"Dan rambled.

"Is she bleeding?"the male paramedic asked.

"She was a bit. Why isn't she awake? Why isn't she talking? She's breathing I could feel her breath. That has to be a good sign, right,"dan asked.

"I'm gonna have to ask you to give us some space and let us do are job, sir."

Dan stood back as they put her on a stretcher and put her in the ambulance. He hailed a cab and went straight to the hospital. He was distraught. The idea of losing Serena was unfathomable. He texted Jenny so she'd tell their dad where he was. A few minutes later she texted him back asking which hospital.

Dan and Erik were the first to arrive. Lily arrived with Bart in toe a little while later. A few hours later, the waiting room was occupied by a group of people that normally had nothing in common. Isabel and Nelly Yuki, Blair, Chuck, Dan and Jenny Humphrey, and a score of other people Dan had never seen before, but he wasn't surprised. Serena was loved. There was just something about her that made people flock to her side. Dan looked over at Blair. Other than Erik and Lily, she was the only other person that could fathom the pain he was in.

"I'm not gonna lose her,"he mumbled to himself.

By morning half the people had left. Jenny had gone home to change for school. She had an exam, but Dan couldn't think of exams when Serena was lying unconscious. Lily and Bart were downstairs getting a bite to eat when the doctor came forward.

"Hello, Is mrs. Bass here?"

"She's downstairs, but I'm her brother,"Erik said.

"You're sister sustained a minor head injury. She should be fine. She's awake now, but I'm afraid she lost the baby,"the doctor said matteroffactly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** I know this chapter is emo, but then again so has this whole chapter. 2 more till the end...Thanks for your patience. Remember folks DS are FOREVER

**Addicted 6: I'll be there**

Dan stood there frozen in place as he let the doctors words sink in. A baby? She lost a baby. Their baby? It couldn't be, but he'd just heard the doctor say exactly that.

"I think I need to sit down," Dan said before plopping himself in the closets chair. He ran his fingers through his hair. He could feel his heart beating rapidly. There were too many people around him. He needed space and time to think. Dan looked up to see Erik following the doctor down the corridor with Blair quick on his heels. He was left with Chuck leering at him with smirk on his face.

"What?"

Chuck merely laughed in response.

Dan went up to him and grabbed him by the collar, "what is so fucking funny. Your step-sister is lying in a hospital bed. Why the hell are you laughing?"

"Release me ingrate," Chuck said.

"Just stop being such an asshole," he said before releasing him roughly and walking down the corridor towards the exit. He needed air. He had to see her.

"I wonder how long she's known. How far along was she and why didn't she tell me," Dan asked himself.

He leaned against the wall and tried to get control of his breathing. He couldn't go in there while he was freaking out. A part of him was now gone. He'd nearly lost the love of his life and their child. It was just all so overwhelming. At this moment, there was nothing he needed more than his mom. So, he did the one thing he normally would refuse to do, he called her.

"Hey mom."

"Dan? How are you?"Alison asked.

"Um, mom I need you. Now," Dan pleaded. He wasn't the type to ask anything of his parents. He knew they had tried their best, but he always thought it was role to step up and take care of everyone, but right now he needed his mother. It probably was unmanly and weak, but for some reason he needed her.

"I'm leaving now,"Alison said before hanging up.

Dan looked around at the city with its snow-covered rooftops. He remembered thinking how snow was like the cure to all his ills, but for once it didn't make him feel any better. All he saw around him was fear and darkness. But, he had to be strong. He had to be strong for Serena cause what he was feeling was nothing compared to the misery she must be in.

Serena wanted them to all go away. Her head was pounding and her vision was blurry. The doctors words were playing in her head like a record player. She was pregnant and now she wasn't. She'd had a miscarriage. She'd suspected as much, but she kept putting off taking a pregnancy test or going to see a doctor. Even though it was stupid she knew she would have kept it. That child was something born of her love with Dan. The feeling of loss was almost unbearable.

"How can I be grieving something I never knew I had?" she thought to herself.

She laid her hand on her belly and tried to force back the tears. Serena wanted her mother to stop nervously arranging the flowers at her bedside and for Erik to stop pacing. She wanted Chuck to stop staring at her creepily from the hall and for Bart to just disappear in cloud of black smoke. All she wanted, all that she needed right now was to see Dan.

"Dan. I need to see Dan," she said softly.

"Charles dear why don't you get Dan,"Lily asked.

"No need. I'm here. Um, can I have a moment alone with Serena."

"Of course,"Lily said and left the room with the others following her lead.

Dan pulled up a chair to her bed and held her hand. She smiled down softly at him. "You're here? When did you come."

"I, I was the one that found you,"he said as he choked back his tears.

Serena looked at him and saw her own pain mirrored in his face. She knew in that moment that he had already heard about the baby. He sat there holding her hat and brushing the hair from her face.

"We're gonna be okay. We'll get through this together,"he said as he kissed her hand.

Serena simply cried softly through her tears. No one understood. She could hear them speaking and the mumbled words of thank God she lost the child. Her life would be ruined. All she wanted was to run screaming and never see them again. Other than Erik, Dan was the only person who could in anyway fathom the pain that was searing through her heart. She'd lost a part of her; a child that she would have kept. The very idea that people spoke of it as if it were some sort of nuisance or burden pained her and for the first time she finally understood that her mother would never change. She'd never be who Serena needed her to be.

A week later, Serena was still laid up in bed. Her Exams had been deferred to the first week of January. The holidays were just around the corner. Dan had come over every day and like a routine they'd sit in silence and then lie in bed holding on to each other. Lily would peek and see them lying there two children in pain over a loss of their own child and it caused something inside of her to break a little futher. Lily understood the pain of losing a child at such a young age. It changed her in ways that most people could not fathom. It was a part of her that she didn't want to dredge up.

Sometimes Dan would sleep over because it would take too much effort to move. Alison had come back the evening that he'd first found out about the miscarriage. She had hugged her son and held him tight.

"_My baby come here," she said as she enveloped him in her arms."_

_"Thanks for coming mom."_

"_Shh, all you need to do is ask," she said._

_"Now are you gonna tell me what has you all wound up?"she asked._

_Dan disentangled himself and he pointed to the island. He sat down and poured out the whole sad tale and how helpless he felt. She listened to him intently and ruffled his hair._

"_Dan all you can do is be there for her. I know its hard for you and God as a mother I hate that you're going through this at your age, but her pain is going to be far greater than yours. So, just be there. Now how about some waffles?"_

So, Dan had taken her advice and just gave her his ear and his shoulder. Dan was lying beside Serena with his arms around her and suggested that they do a service for the baby.

"But, I don't even know if it was a he or she?"Serena said sadly.

"It doesn't matter. They were still ours. We can just call them baby Humphrey,"he said.

Serena turned around and looked at him. She knew he was sad too and she loved him for just being there and helping her get through this. "Maybe you're right. Our baby deserves a proper send off."

Dan kissed the top of her head and held her close to him, "they do."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **Okay, I only have the epilogue left. This is the last of the real time chapters. The epilogue will skip ahead 10 years. I'd like to thank Hannah and Mich for not killing me despite my crazy plot twists. I'd like to also thank Lauren and Diane for their encouragement and all the faithful DSers who have read and reviewed this story. I love you all

**Addicted 7- With you at my side**

Dan and Serena decided to hold the service at the loft. There was no burial service and they had never discovered the sex of the baby so he was forever dubbed baby Humphrey in their minds. Jenny, Eric, Rufus, and Alison all helped to set everything up. There were two rows of chairs for the guests who were small in number. They didn't want to make this a bigdeal, but the young couple was insistent that they be allowed to grieve their loss just like any other death. They wouldn't let this be brushed under the rug as a wrong corrected by fate. They wanted a chance to say goodbye to the child that they would never know, but would always love. An hour before the service Serena arrived dressed in a black dress and her hair tied back.

"Hey, Jenny where is he?"Serena asked.

"In his room," she said as she finished fiddling with the floral arrangement.

Serena smiled at the younger girl and went to Dan's room where he was still fiddling with his tie.

"Hey, let me help you with that," she offered. She moved closer to him and undid his half-ass attempt at tying his tie. She smiled up at him sadly as she tied his tie in a perfect half-windsor knot. She patted him on the chest and said, "here you go."

"Thanks, where did you learn to do that."

"Charm school,"she said with a wink.

"They teach you how to tie a mans tie in charm school? Ahh the wonders of the Upper East Side,"he snarked.

"I was joking Dan. I used to watch my mom doing it for Dutch Claus."

"Was that the one she married or dated?"

"Married."

"Ahh, I see. Well at least one of your moms multiple marriages came in handy."

Serena laughed. It was the first time she had laughed in ten days. Dan was just so glad to see a smile on her face even though the sadness was still in her eyes. He reached out for her and held her to him. "Are you ready to go out there?"

"Not really, but do we have a choice," she asked

"Hey, remember I'm right there beside. Let's go and give our baby the goodbye it deserved,"he said as he held her hand in his.

Dan and Serena sat in the front row holding in hands as they waited for the minister to get started. Blair sat next to Serena and Jenny sat next to her brother. Erik was seated beside Blair. Behind them sat Rufus and Alison. Lily stood in the back watching the whole thing with an air of disapproval. She'd come, but she was far from approving. Ironically Chuck had come. He sat quietly behind Rufus and Alison. Serena had nodded at him when he first arrived. She was surprised to see him and Dan did his best to hide his anger. The last person he wanted here was Chuck. He'd just use it as a reason to mock him, but maybe he'd be a decent human being for once. Nate and Vanessa were seated next to Rufus and Lily. Serena laid her head on Dan's shoulder and let the tears glide down her face as the minister spoke about how precious a gift life was and even the smallest of lives should be cherished.

"Now, I'd like to call up Dan Humphrey, father of the deceased to read the eulogy,"the minister said.

Dan squeezed Serena hand and got up to the front of the room. He took out a piece of paper from his pocket and slowly unfolded it.

"Thanks for coming. I know holding a funeral for a baby who was never fully-formed is a bit unorthodox, but Serena and I believe that he deserves a proper send off. I don't have much to say other than that if he or she had lived they would have been loved because even though we never got to meet them, we love our child dearly. So, I'd like to wrap up by reading a poem by **Andrelia T. Pryor.**

_Children who die are not really gone,  
But go to a place that is something like home,  
Where they sleep the deep sleep, as quiet as stone,  
Until we can join them when our lives are done._

_Children who die are not really dead,  
But just like good children tucked into bed,  
Wait the long wait while we go ahead  
Till our tales are all told and our tears are all shed.  
Children who die feel no pleasure or pain  
In the place where they wait till they see us again,  
And all of us dance in a world washed with rain  
Where the sun shines so brightly no sorrows remain_

Dan folded up his paper and went back to his seat. Jenny got up and sang a hymn as Rufus played a tune on his guitar. The mood was solemn but peaceful. Dan and Serena sat with their hands together and matching tears rolling down their cheeks. Blair looked over at the couple, her heart breaking gently for them. It was all a little strange to her, but it was also beautiful. She knew she hadn't been very supportive of their second go-around, but that was mostly due to some sort of misplaced pride and jealousy that she'd never made sense of. She turned around and caught Chuck's eyes. She wondered if she'd ever find a love like what her friend had found; a love so strong that it was capable of mending a broken girl. Blair was both happy and sad for her friend. Happy that she and Dan had found each other again and sad that she'd lost a child she so obviously wanted. After the service the small group stood around smiling awkwardly. Nobody really knew what to say to the couple. There were no stories to tell about the deceased. Slowly, people filed out and soon it was just Dan, Serena, Rufus, Jenny, and Alison.

"Anybody want waffles?"Rufus offered.

"I'm starved," Serena said.

They sat at the island and listened to Jenny's lame stories about glee club. It was strange being here. She finally felt like she was part of a real family. It amazed her how civil Alison and Rufus could be with each other despite what must have been a messy divorce.

Christmas was a quiet affair for Serena. She opted out of her mothers annual party and chose to spend the holiday at the Humphrey's instead. She was surprised to see that Alison was still there. She watched as Rufus and Alison exchanged a quiet knowing look. Serena leaned over and whispered to Dan, "are your parents back together?"

"I think so," he whispered back before placing a small gift in her hand.

She ripped open the package and found a stack of envelopes tied together in a red ribbon. She opened the first envelope and noticed that it was dated June, 2008. It was a week after they had broken up. She read the letter and tears formed in her eyes.

"Love letters. You wrote me love letters?" she asked.

"Yes. They were the only things I could write. I had writers block last summer. My life was empty without you in it. I wrote you one every week we were apart. I know its cheesy, but I thought you'd like to have them.

"Its not cheesy. Its very sweet Dan and I love you," she said before kissing him gently.

He laid his forehead on hers and said, "I love you too."

Serena reached for a large box and shoved it towards him, "Open it."

He ripped through the wrapping and pulled out an old a helmet and a pair of keys. His eyes lit up with delight. "You didn't?"He asked.

"I did. I hope you don't mind."

"Mind? Why the hell would I mind. This fantastic. Where is it?"he asked cheerfully.

"Its parked behind the building," she replied.

Dan grabbed her hand and led her out of the apartment barely taking the time to put his shoes and coat on. Serena followed him outside and smiled brightly as he found the bike and hopped on. The smile on his face could light up a dozen Christmas tree.

"You're like a kid in a candy store, Dan."

"I love it Serena and I love you."

She was just so glad that he didn't make her return it because it was to pricey. Dan really had changed, but not so much that he'd become unrecognizable.

"Hop on. Let's go for a ride."

"But, its snowing."

"Who cares," he said.

"Okay," Serena replied as she hopped on the back and slipped on the other helmet. They cruised down the main street and through smaller side streets. She enjoyed the feeling of just being young for once and not letting the darkness of the past few weeks envelop her any longer. She knew so long as she had Dan things would be okay. When they were together the world just made sense


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry that it took so long to write this chapter. This is officially the end of the road. Just remember no matter what happens, DS's love is never ending. I'd like to thank my usual crew: D, Mich, L, LeiLei and Hanna aka Slacker for all the encouragment

**Epilogue: Forever with the Humphrey'sManhattan, 2019**

Dan opened the door and stood on the porch of his new home looking out at the row of houses that was now apart of his neighbourhood and sighed with contentment. He was no longer a simple boy from Brooklyn, but he was simply Dan Humphrey, successful and happy. He remembered when he suggested buying this place to his wife and she gasped. She was convinced that he would never want to settle in the middle of Manhattan among the very people that he had detested for so long. But, the bitter and judgmental Dan had died long ago. He was a new man, a man who had everything he could ever dream of. He smiled to himself picked up the paper and went inside. He poured himself a cup of coffee before getting started on making breakfast for his family. He got out the materials he needed to whip up Serena's favourite waffles. It was the same one he had made for her the very first time they had stayed at the loft all by themselves. He could still recall the wisps of blonde waves that dangled from her head. He had so many precious memories of them and so many more they were about to embark on. Forever was becoming the sweetest word in the English language especially since forever included Serena. She was his dream girl, the other half of his heart. They hadn't spent more than 3 months apart since that horrible year when they'd nearly lost each other for good, but Dan knew that it must be fate that kept him connected to Serena.

He flipped on the radio that was on the counter as he whipped up the batter and poured it into the waffle maker. He placed the finished product on plates and set the table. A young girl who looked to be about four, with golden locks and big brown eyes came rushing towards him. "Daddy, Daddy you made waffles,"she exclaimed. Dan picked her up and held the little girl close.

"Yes, Mac, I made waffles for us. Where's your mother?"

"Mommy is being a poo head?"

"Mackenzie Cecilia Humphrey apologize this instant,"Serena said as she stood staring at her little girl with a brush in one hand and the other hand on her hip.

"No!"

Dan looked at his little girl sternly and said, "Now Mac be nice to your mommy. No waffles for you till you say sorry to your mommy and you let her finish doing your hair,"he said before placing her on the floor.

Mackenzie looked up at them and pouted. Dan laughed inwardly because he was more than sure he made that same face when he was her age. He knelt down and tapped her on the shoulder, "what did I say about pouting?"

"It's bad," Mackenzie replied.

"So, what do you have to say for yourself?"

She looked at her mother and said, "I'm sorry mommy."

Serena picked up the little girl and said "its okay. Give mama a kiss." The little girl kissed her mother gently on the cheek and they both went back upstairs. They came down a little while later with Mackenzie's hair neatly brushed and held back in a cute ponytail and matching ribbon. Serena held on to her daughters hand and smiled up at Dan who sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper. He got up and kissed her on the cheek. He took Mackenzie's hand and helped her into her seat. The three of them sat eating breakfast amicbly.

"So, what do you want to do today?"

"Its Sunday Daddy."

"Park Day,"Serena said excitedly.

They finished their breakfast. Dan and Serena listened to the funny stories of their daughter. Serena was amazed how much she reminded him of Dan. She may have inherited her flawless skin and golden hair, but she was very much Dan's daughter especially when it came to her demeanor. She watched as he picked up their little girl and helped her wash her hands and face. Dan and Serena waited in the foyer as Mackenzie went to get her favorite dolly before they ventured out to the park. It was a crisp spring day. Serena patted her rounded belly and looked up at the painting on the wall. Dan wrapped his arms around her and looked at the same painting. It was something they had made to remember a child they had lost long ago. It was painting of an angel holding a small baby.

"I remember too. I always will,"he whispered.

Serena turned and wrapped her arms around him and said, "This is our forever Dan. You, me, Mac and whoever this one is."

"I wouldn't have it any other way,"he said before kissing her gently.


End file.
